I am a religious person so I reserve the right to humiliate you in public.

I am a religious person so I reserve the right to humiliate you in public. There's something wrong with that sentence. I see an ounce of irony. You are religious, but you humiliate people in public so that they would return to the path of righteousness.

The government's effort to curb vice and immoral activities in Malaysia is worthy of recognition. Everyday I hear stories of religious officers busting sex-parties, raiding cheap hotels and rented flats in order to locate and prosecute Muslims who commit the sin of khalwat ie close proximity between a guy and a girl that may lead to a sexual escapade and zina ie fornication. Oh lets not forget booze parties where young so called Muslim youths get drunk..and then have sex.

Ah yes, the noble effort of a select group of individuals who are, judging by the kopiah on their head, religious and of high moral, to save the youths of today from the ways of Satan.

The reason of my ranting? A few days ago, a friend showed me a video that was allegedly taken during an anti-vice raid on a Muslim couple accused of khalwat. Number one, why was a video recording made? Number two, why was the woman not given a chance to cover herself up properly and instead told to cover herself with the thin bed-sheet she was sitting on. Number three why was the male anti-vice raiders (I'm not sure whether the raiders were government officers or just a group of kampung people conducting their own self-sanctioned raid) interviewing the girl in the room? Why wasn't a female "room raider" present?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for the religious raids because I truly believe that they are needed to curb immoral activities among the youths of today but my god why oh why do you need to be so rude to all the alleged wrongdoers?

You want to guide people to the path of righteousness. You want to set a good example for them to follow. You want to rehabilitate them. So why are you humiliating them?

In all honesty, what bugs me the most is not the fact that they weren't nice to the sinners.What bugs me the most is that they are painting a wrong image of Islam. What would non-Muslims think when they see supposedly religious high-moral individuals treating a half naked girl like an animal and interviewing her under bright lights on a bed, half naked.

Instead of upholding the purity of Islam, these so called warriors of religion are making Islam look like a religion of hate, a religion that's based on fear, not love.

The sinners made a mistake, yes. They are human. That's what humans do. They make mistakes. Your job is to GUIDE them back to the path of righteousness, not to HUMILIATE and SCARE THE LIVING SHIT out of them. Guide with love, the result will be long and the transformation would be pure and sincere. You guide with fear, the moment you die, they will go back to their old ways because guess what, their transformation was made out of fear NOT FAITH. I hate it when I hear non-Muslims talk about how Islam is a religion based on fear and not through pure faith.

A son who obeys his father because of his father's beatings will forget about the man as soon as he dies and will never pray for him nor will he visit his father's grave. A son  who obeys his father because of his father's love, will continue to cherish his father, long after his death, and will pray for him and visit his father's grave for as long as he live. I truly believe in that.

Yes, you are a religious person, a man of god but you do not have the right to humiliate people in public. Are you guaranteed heaven? Of course not. So stop acting like you are.

Why gay guys used to scare the living shit out of me.

No I am not gay, period.

I used to distance myself from gay guys. I never really had any problem with them, its just that I've never felt comfortable being near them. Here's why:

1. Gay guy says hye
My head says: Shit, he loves me.

2. Gay guy being nice to me.
My head says: Shit, he wants me.

3. Gay guy invites me for a cup of coffee.
My head says: Shit, he's going to spike my drink and take me home.

I was 15 when I had my first encounter with a gay dude. He was my schoolmate, I was the new kid in school. This particular gay dude kept on harassing me, verbally mind you. Truth be told, I wasn't just annoyed, I was scared too. It's weird. Why would I be scared of a dude who probably had a pair of hidden fake boobs? He talks walks and acts like a girl but I still get scared shitless if I bumped into him at some corridor, alone.

Three years later, I entered University and as fate would have it, one of my housemates was of course, as if it was a sick joke, gay. He cannot be anymore gayer. He wore bright colored clothing and had multi-colored underwear. I know this because he hung his laundry at our common drying area.

I was of course, uncomfortable. After a while, I asked him, whether he liked staying with us. I reckoned he did because we're a goodlooking bunch (hahahahahha!). He said he did, so I proceeded to ask him an even more daring question:

"Do you feel anything seeing us shirtless and stuff, like how a guy would feel when he sees a girl topless?"

The sick bastard laughed and said:

"Do you honestly think I'm into you? Please, you are so not my type, and you're not goodlooking enough"

Hambik kau Faisal, kena sebijik.

Ahhhh...So I thought to myself, gay guys have types too...like us straight guys...and here I am thinking that gay guys like ALL men.

So then I told myself, Faisal, you self obsessed wank, When a gay dude says hye, he probably means "Hye" and when he asks you out for a cup of coffee, he probably wants to hang out and chill with you over a cup of coffee. He doesn't want to spike your drink and take you home to have his way with you.

That was 5 years ago. Now I have no problems being friends with gay guys. They are actually an interesting lot to be with and talk to.

I pride myself for not being a racist or a sexist. I pride myself for not judging a book by its cover. So why the hell should I discriminate against a group of people just because they happen to prefer broad shoulders and furry chests over a curvy body and ruby red lips?

I know there's always the religious issue but believe me, non of us, and I mean non of us, is qualified to judge another human being. It is not our place. So before any of you pass judgement, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, am I guaranteed paradise? Am I a hundred percent sure I'm going to heaven? If the answer is (and it will be) no, than in my opinion, you should concentrate on saving your own place in heaven and let god deal with this lot.

When a baby name dies.

I was chatting with Putri about her niece, Baby PJ or Baby Putri Junior. Baby PJ remained nameless for the first two weeks of her life. After three weeks of being a citizen of the world, Baby PJ was finally named *a really modern name goes here*.

So then it got me thinking. If this was the current trend of names, than I may be the last of the Ahmad Faisals. I am, an endangered species.

It may, no wait...not may...It WILL happen sooner or later. I am going to categorize names that used to be popular.

Ultra Classic Malay Names:

1. Jantan -
Eg: Putera Jantan Bin Osman Rani

How it used to be: ultra manly name of its time. It denotes masculinity and strength.
How it is now      : weird name, whereupon if a modern baby was named this, he would be the butt of jokes.

Dania: Hye Jantan *holding back laughter*
Putera Jantan: Kenapa you macam nak tergelak?
Dania: Takde apa la you *holding back laughter*
Putera Jantan: It's my name isn't it...
Dania: hahahahahahhaa.

2. Names that pay homage to days -
Eg. Abu bin Isnin, Mat Lazim bin Mat Kamis, Radhi bin Sabtu.

How it used to be: a normal name that is absolutely not out of the ordinary.
How it is now      : If a modern baby was named one of these names...this will happen.

Thursday,7th October 2020.
Dania: Eh you hari ni hari apa?
Mat Kamis : .....ntah...
Daniel Ariff: Bro, cakapla..hari ini hari apa...
Mat Kamis: ....ntah.....
Whole Class: Hari ini hari mat KAMIS!!!! *All around laughter*
Mat Kamis: Why dad..why...*crying*

Other classic names include Rosmidah, my dear aunty and Zabedah, my dear Opah. The thing about classic female names is that they don't sound as weird as classic male names and some are still in popular use to this very day. But I have realized one thing, female names that ends with the letter 'H' are becoming less and less common. People would instead get rid of the 'H' and end it with an 'A'.

Eg:

Amirah - Amira
Munirah - Munira
Sarah - Sara (That's you put!) haha

I have to agree that getting rid of the 'H' does make a name look and sound more modern, not to mention more feminine.

Then we come across to my generation. When I was born, the trend was to name babies with Islamic names. Ahmad Faisal. It can't get anymore Islamic than that. This trend has actually been around for a while. But I realized that it's a dying trend.

Nowadays names are sounding less Islamic but the cool part is that they have beautiful Islamic meanings. Here are some examples:

1.(Girl)  Reyhana (My dear gendot baby cousin)  - meaning: Sweet smelling flower of paradise.
2.(Girl)  Zara -  meaning: Bright as dawn.
3.(Boy) Rayyan (My other dear baby cousin) - meaning: One of the gates of paradise.
4.(Boy) Danial - meaning: Intelligent.

Names are getting more and more less Islamic sounding, gone are the days where newborns are named Abdullah Al-Amin or Saidatul Aqqilah or even perhaps Ahmad Faisal.

But I am proud of my name. My mom told me I was named after a great King, Al-Maliq Faisal of Saudi Arabia. It may not be the most modern name but it sure is my favorite :)

How to screw up a first date.

I was having my usual teh tarik session with Lilliane when we came across the topic of dates. It was just a random topic and I told her my first date strategy. Please note that I have not hit on a girl in three long years, the last time was when I was 19 years old so my strategies can be a bit.....what's the word...lame.

Sal's first date strategy:
1. Magic tricks.
2. Fancy restaurant.
3. SUIT UP! okay not suit up per se but wear smart clothing, shoes etc.
4. Try to sound cool.
5. Be Barney Stinson.

Lil's comment on Sal's first date strategy:
1. NO MAGIC TRICKS
2. Bring girl in question to some place casual with a relaxed environment.
3. SUIT DOWN- You don't wanna look like you're trying too hard.
4. Don't try to sound cool. - You will instead sound like a complete retard.
6. Be Ted Mosbey instead.

So after a long and thoughtful discussion, we said our goodnights. On my way home, while listening to John Mayer's A love song for no one, I thought long and hard about what needs to be done on a first date. It's not like I have someone to go on a first date with right now but what if one day, the time finally comes for me to go out on a first date with a girl.

What should I do?

My 5 first date strategies will do nothing but screw up my first date. It's 5 ways to screw up a first date.

I thought about my first date strategies, all the five seemed so right when I thought of them in my head but when I verbally laid it out to Lil, she wasn't very impressed. In all honesty, neither was I. My First Date strategy was nothing but L.A.M.E.

When I reached home to the sound of Eminem's Beautiful, I thought to myself and sighed a sigh of contempt and told myself, "Dude, just be yourself. You want a girl to like you because of who you are, not what you plan to be"

So if you like trash metal bands, bring a girl to a trash metal gig. If you like farting in front of people, don't be a fucking idiot and fart in front of her. Respect the girl, be true to you and above all else, be sincere with all your heart.

Unlike most guys who simply cannot see past the mid-chest section of girls, a girl see's past the eyes, into the soul. You don't need to be Barney Stinson or Ted Moseby, you just need to be *insert own name here*.

If you are sincere, she'll see past all your lameness. If you just want to get laid and she accepts, than say hello to STDs.

HIV bukan untuk diwarisi, jalanilah saringan HIV di klinik atau hosptal kerajaan berdekatan, Salam 1Malaysia -.-" <-- lame.haha.

Characteristics of Malay Jocks aka "Lelaki Hek"

Jocks. We see them in American teen movies and dramas. They may be different individuals but all of them have a few things in common: All of them are athletic, all of them are muscular, all of them are as stupid as f**k and last but not least, all of them are popular.

So lets take a look at the local context of "jocks". My sister and I call these type of guys "Lelaki Hek".

They talk walk stalk and conduct themselves in very very similar ways. I am an observer. I always observe people and as a result, I have short-listed a few "lelaki hek" characteristics.

Characteristics of "Lelaki Hek"

1. Name Dropping.
They name drop as soon as they find out you go to the same college as one of their many friends.
example:
"Hey, u belajar college mana?"
"Oh I belajar dekat Beautiful Brunettes Academy of Langkawi, Be.B.A.L."
"Oh, I tau, kawan I ada pergi situ...you kenal Azura?"
"Tak"
"Oh, you kenal Lina?"
"Tak"
"Oh you kenal...."
*15 names later*
".....Oh you kenal....." It never stops.

Why they do this? To show girls they know a lot of people thus showing how popular they are.

2. Showing off how many friends they have, in a very subtle way.

Guy: Hey, you wanna hang out tonight?
Girl: Hmmm, I'm not sure? Can I reconfirm?
Guy: Okay,but be sure to let me know A.S.A.P..
Girl: Oh ya? why?
Guy: Sebab I kena book 8 table...

Normal hang out session.8 tables.Hmmm....

3. The way they dress.

i. Tight Clothes.
ii.Tight pants.
iii. Raised Collar (Collar tajam ke atas)
iv. White, narrow and pointy shoes.
v.  Huge belt buckle (Front of shirt always tucked behind huge belt buckle to really make huge belt buckle stand out)

4. The way they stylize their hair/facial hair.

i. Fake Mohawk aka Fauxhawk.
ii.The little patch of hair immediately below their lower lips (They shave all except this tiny patch of hair).
iii.Too much perfume.
iv. Silver Jewelry (The "C" shaped metal bangle is the most common)

5. THE ULTIMATE LELAKI HEK CHARACTERISTIC:

Now, this particular  characteristic is not shared by all "Lelaki Heks". Only a select few of  ridiculously high "hek" levels share this characteristic. And that particular characteristic is:

i. Wearing sunglasses indoors.

Ok there you have it, characteristics of "Lelaki Hek" :)

The Gym: A place where straight guys become slightly gay.

So there I was with The Wingman. It was our first time at a swanky "professional" gym. We were excited. We were full of energy. 

Fate has finally brought us to this gym. It must have been at least 3 years since I first uttered the words "This year I'm gonna join a gym and workout!!!!" It took at least 3 years for those words to become a reality.

Anyways, here is why a gym is a place where straight guys become slightly gay:

Location: GYM FLOOR.

1. EyeBalling other guys.

This happens. A lot. I have seen completely straight guys (based on assumption mind you, there's no telling whether they're straight or not but by the looks of them, they are normal heterosexual males) eyeballing other guys. 

They eyeball tough toned muscular dudes..and admire their bodies..I heard a guy say to his friend "I love his body"..wth man.

But this...I have to admit...I too, look at bodies of tough guys. BUT STRICTLY FOR INSPIRATION. seriously. I like girls, period.

Location: LOCKER ROOM.

1.Vanity level goes up..way up. -  This happened In front of a huge wall mirror.

"Bro, look at my biceps man, the protein shake really worked"

"Seriously, its huge man"

2. Where a grown man asks another grown man to touch him...tenderly.

This happened in the locker room, near the sauna.

"Eh bro...how's my abs? Are they visible?"

"Yeah, I can really see them"

"Touch them, see how firm they are"

"Yeah man, sure"

"Be careful, don't press too hard..it still hurts a bit" (Please please please "it still hurts a bit" from working out and not some lewd activity)

Oh.My.God.

So there you have it. A gym is full of tough guys? Hell no man. A gym is full of little daisy loving baby girls in  men suits.

How to move on from a 2 year relationship in a month.

Well here is a list of things a person, and by person I mean I, have to do for me to get over a 2 year relationship within a month.

1 Keep in constant touch with your own personal friend-based SUPPORT GROUP.
2.Listen to Eminem and relate the shit state you're in to his lyrics, It'll make you feel better.
3.Stop stalking the ex's Facebook page.
4.Stop all means of contact with the ex.
5.Cheesecake. Eat all the cheesecake in the world, comfort food.
6.Go out and meet new people.
7.Smoke Marlboro Reds.
8.Smoke some more Marlboro Reds.
9.Smoke a few more Marlboro Reds.
10. Too much Marlboro Reds, than settle for Marlboro Lights.

There you go, ten easy steps to get over a 2 year relationship over a period of one month.

Or is it?

It's not. I did all and it still hurts as much as hell.

After much thought, I came to a conclusion that there is no such thing as getting over a girl you loved with all your heart over a pre-defined period of time.

They only way to get over a 2 year relationship is by doing absolutely nothing at all. Time heals. Even if it seems like no amount of time will ever heal a broken beaten battered heart, believe me, thats the only thing that can help you.

In the meantime, I'll just wait for that special someone, the girl of my dreams to suddenly and dramatically appear and make me the happiest guy alive. I'm waiting for that one special girl who would love me with all her heart.

Because Dear non-existing-girl-of-my-dreams, whoever you are, wherever you are,  the moment you come into my life,whenever that time may be, I will love you, with nothing less than all my heart. I may not know how to party hard or to compose a love laced sweet sweet musical serenade, but I sure as hell know how to love.

As I lay on my bed listening to a love song for no one, I thought to myself:

I don't know who you are, where you live, where you come from or what you do for a living, but Dear Girl-Of-My-Dreams, I'm going to find you one day and give you nothing short of the world. I mean it.

Heart shaped pendant

A crystal heart shaped pendant
Not for me, But for thee

A crystal heart shaped pendant
Bought for no one known to me

A crystal heart shaped pendant
I will wear till I finally find thee

Whoever you are
Wherever you are

When that day finally comes
Than I'll fasten it around your neck

With it you'll have my heart
With the blessings from up above
My very being
And my undivided unadulterated love.

My mom is my dad's murukku.

My dad is an avid fan of murukku. I can see that when he is eating his murukku, he cuts a peaceful figure, watching Buletin Utama, with his kain pelikat and omnipresent baju pagoda.

My parents are sitting in front of me. My dad is sitting like an Indian Maharaja, legs on coffee table and his hands folded behind his head. My mom is sitting on the floor in front of my dad, with her arms on my dad's lap,crossing it.

My mom and dad has been married for 25 years. I have never seen my dad raise his voice against my mom and vice versa. My dad almost never calls my mom by her name. He would only call her by her name if he's joking around. He would call her Che Yah, just to spike my mom off for no reason. When my mom makes a sour face, he would than laugh his heart out and look at us, expecting us to join him laughing. Most of the time we would.

My dad would almost exclusively call my mom "yang", short form for "sayang". My mom would interchange the words she used to call my dad. Sometimes she calls him abang, ayah or darling. But most of the time she would use the word "yang"

My dad's number in my mom's phone is saved as "Darl"

My mom's number, in my dad's phone is saved as "Zahirah"

You would think my dad would be the less romantic of the two but believe me, my mom is my dad's murukku: He can't live without her. There was this one time my mom went out for a foot massage with my uncle and aunty. Ten minutes passed until my dad finally lost it:

"Call mama..tanya bila nak balik..dah lewat ni"

My dad, the usually ridiculously early sleeper waited for my mom to come home before he finally went to bed. My mom came home within an hour but faham faham sahajalah..kalau sepuluh minit keluar pun dah suruh call tanya bila nak balik...one hour must have felt like eons to him.

I pray to god that I too, will have a relationship with my future wife that is as loving and cute as my parents :)

What it's like to be a brother.

I am a brother to three people. I am an elder for two, and a younger for one.

When my little brother oversteps the boundaries of morality and respect, than a tight slap will be given. My parents won't ever slap him so it's up to me to teach him a lesson. It works. He may be all grown up but whenever I see him, I still see the baby boy I used carry in my arms. I know him inside and out. His ego is phenomenal. So whether I like it or not, I have to be extremely hard with this particular fellow.

My elder brother protected me from bullies in school and at times even took the bullet for me. I never told him this, and he probably wont ever find out since he never reads my blog but he is literally my hero. Whenever a major decision is to be made, there are three people who I would always ask first. My parents, and him.

If he says yes to something, than there will be no doubt in my mind. Because I have always believed that he knows best. But he nags a lot. More than my mother and father combined.

When my little sister does something wrong that I cannot accept, than I will nag to her like there's no tomorrow. I will shout at her and use the most shall we say, "cruel" words imaginable. To teach her a lesson and make sure she doesn't do it again. I have busted my ass for this particular cow so many times, but it's okay, because she's my sister.

I do lose my cool at times, I admit that but I am only human. That's one thing bad about me. My temper. But I am only temperamental when it comes  to my siblings. I am always garang to them because of one simple reason. I want them to be better than everyone else.

That's the reason  why it's okay if someone else comes home late or doesn't take a shower after playing badminton. It's their choice. It's their life. But when my siblings do it, sorry, it's not your life or your choice. You do something stupid, you're gonna get it from me.

Theres no such thing as jaga hati.

They may hate me for being the garang brother that I am, but I have one simple philosophy when it comes to being a brother.

Let them hate me for being strict, overprotective and garang, I don't mind because if anything ever happens to them, I'd be a broken man till the day I die and blame myself every single day. It's not easy being a brother. I'm only 22 and I have yet to reach full maturity, mentally speaking. I'm still a very young man but in front of my younger siblings, I try to be a full fledged "grown-up".

I know I may not be the best brother there is out there but I do love each and every one of you, with all my heart.

Are lawyers sexy?

I was chatting with a friend of mine and I asked her one question:
Are fighter pilots sexy?
She answered almost instantly yes.

Now before you assume anything, it's not that I have a thing for male fighter pilots. I love girls. Period. It's just that there was this one time, I met a real life fighter pilot. There were girls around me at that time and the moment he left, all the girls said the same thing:

"So sexy"

So I asked them, what about lawyers? Are lawyers sexy?

They said No.

So it got me thinking. Why the hell not?

Have they not seen The Practice? Have they not seen Boston Legal? Have they not seen real life lawyers? With our sharp suits, polished leather shoes and swagger?

Someone told me lawyers are nerdy. Fine. We read a lot. But we're not pointdexters like accountants and engineers. All day cooped up in an air-conditioned office doing maths. Yes. maths. How cool is that?

I am not saying I am sexy, but as a future lawyer, I am out on a crusade to defend my future profession from being laughed at and labeled as a profession for nerds.

Here's a list I came up with. It's just what I think and I stand to be corrected!
(Rockstars, Actors, Supermodels, pro athletes etc not included..different level altogether)

Top 3 Cool:
1.Fighter Pilots - Theres no denying this man. Uber cool.
2.Doctors - Have you seen McDreamy and his crew saving people? Cool.
3.Lawyers - Have you seen Dylan McDermott in The Practice? Cool.

Top 3 Un-Cool:
1.Engineers - Maths, that's all they do.
2.Accountants - They audit companies. Need I say more. A.u.d.i.t.
3.Teachers - God bless them but all of us have terrorized or made at least one teacher cry during our schooldays. Getting bullied by a bunch of kids? Un-Cool.

So there you have it. Lawyers are sexy, apart from me of course. I am an exception, I am a self professed nerd who read books as a favorite past time. But in general, lawyers are sexy. We may dress up like penguins with our black and white attire but my god ladies and gentleman, we're damn stylish penguins, waddling our way to defend justice.....well, to defend justice in most cases at least....

Trust me, I'm a lawyer.

Tun Dr Mahathir Bin Mohamad.

The grand old man of Malaysia.

Being a law student, I've heard about Tun Dr Mahathir's role in the 1988 constitutional crisis. Being a law student, I've heard about how the grand old man of Malaysia completely ignored the doctrine of the separation of powers. Being a law student, I've heard an earful of things negative about the former Prime Minister.

Being a Malaysian, I've seen the great things Tun Dr Mahathir did for the country. Being a Malaysian, I am living the comfortable life I am living because of him. Being a Malaysian, I have Tun Dr Mahathir to thank.

Being a Malay, I have seen how Tun Dr Mahathir helped his people. Being a Malay, I have seen how Tun Dr Mahathir fought for our rights. Being a Malay, I have also seen and heard some Malays calling him a traitor to his own people.

Tun Dr Mahathir Bin Mohamad. Loved and loathed by many. He may have done some wrong, but my god has he done so many rights. Look around you. Your comfortable life is testament to this.

When a man dies, the mark of his greatness can be seen  by the sheer number of people that will shed tears during his funeral. When Tun Razak died, Malaysians of all color and creed queued up to attend his funeral and pay their last respects to his body, which was lying in state. He was a great man. A fighter and a patriot.

Believe me, when Tun Dr Mahathir finally leaves this world, Malaysia will cry. And so will I.

Embarrassing E-mail addresses: Evidence of the inner kid inside all of us.

I am the proud account holder of a very childish e-mail address. It's a combination of my obsession with Star Wars and John Lennon. I'm very proud of my very childish and somewhat dumb e-mail address, no doubt...but one day, on the first day of my legal attachment...something happened...

Lawyer: Ok Faisal, I am going to send you a few documents for you to look at. I want you to study them and make the appropriate amendments.


Kid Law Student: Ok ma'am, no problem *childish smirk due to extreme excitement over getting proper "legal" assignment*


Lawyer: Alright, good boy. Give me your e-mail address.

Kid Law Student: *silent*


Lawyer: Faisal? Your e-mail address please?


You see, apart from my Star Wars/Lennon themed childish e-mail address, I also have one "professional" not-embarrassing e-mail address. One for play, and one for work. I would usually use my "professional e-mail address for "serious" matters. Problem was, I had difficulties accessing my "professional" e-mail address since the past few days. So I had no choice but to give her my Star Wars/Lennon themed e-mail address.


Kid Law Student: *mumbling dumb immature e-mail address*


Lawyer:.....come again...


Kid Law Student: *mumbling dumb immature e-mail address*


Lawyer:..*smiles*


Sigh..I went to the office looking my best. Crisp white shirt. Jet black slacks with a jet black tie to match...black leather shoes..looking like the real deal. I left the office feeling like a retarded 6 year old Star Wars geek.


Moral of the story: Create back up professional e-mail addresses. If you don't, and if you're a guy, and you kantoi with your senior, you will feel like nothing short of being emasculated.

People I know with their own personal theme songs.

My head is a weird place, full of fantasies, dumb thoughts and music. There is so much music in my head that I have theme songs for the people in my life. For example, if I have a crush on a girl, than that girl will have a specific theme song. Whenever I hear her specific theme song on the radio or on youtube, I'd automatically think about her. 

The same thing happens when she walks past by me and when my eyes are glued to her face. During the eyes glued to face period, the world seemed to move so slowly. It's almost like a powerful metaphysical force had pressed the "slowdown" button on life. And during this time, her theme song would play in my head. Sometimes, I'd subconsciously sing her song out loud, much to the annoyance of anyone around me, since my voice is toad like.

Top-5 Romantic theme songs for various people I know *wink wink*:

1. You'll be safe here - Rivermaya.

2. To be with you - Mr.Big.

3. Wonderwall - Oasis.

4. Warisan Wanita Terakhir - Teacher's Pet.

5. Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton.

Yes. The list is short. This is due to the fact that in my 22 years of living, I've only had 2 serious girlfriends, 1 meaningless fling and 1 serious crush. 

How about you guys? What are your theme songs for your respective gf/bf's? 

Top 5 Plate Number Idaman Saya.

5.PU3-For future queen of heart.

4.AFR 7-Initials and favorite number.

3.WTF 7-Gangster sikit. Everyone knows what the acronym WTF stand for.

2.MAF14-Lagi gangster. Baru mafia betul!

1.JED1-For the star wars geek inside me :)

Most unwanted number plate: BAB1.

2nd most unwanted number plate:PEN15

Most wanted but impossible to get number plate: LFC 9. (LFC  = Liverpool Football Club, 9 refers to Fernando Torres's jersey number)

Most disgusting number plate in existence: MAW1.

Coolest number plate seen: YAB PERDANA MENTERI MALAYSIA.

Longest number plate seen: YAB TIMBALAN PERDANA MENTERI MALAYSIA.

Whats your number idaman? haha

Happy Birthday.

9th July 2010:

When I as a kid, I was taught that once a year on my birthday, I could make one birthday wish. Most of the time I'd ask for an action figure or two. 

But today's not my birthday. So lets not talk about me. 

What's the ultimate birthday wish? Is it a Bugatti Veyron? Or is it a mansion somewhere in the French countryside? What is the ultimate birthday wish? Is it a hundred billion US Dollars? Or is it a complete LV luggage set?

So what is the ultimate birthday wish?

B.O.B - Airplanes

What would you wish for if you had one chance? 
So airplanes airplanes 
Sorry I'm late 
I'm on my way 
So don't close that gate 
If I don't make that 
Then I switch my flight 
And I'll be right back at it 
By the end of the night 

Can we pretend that airplanes 
In the night sky 
Are like shooting stars 
I could really use a wish right now 
Wish right now, wish right now 
Can we pretend that airplanes 
In the night sky 
Are like shooting stars 
I could really use a wish right now 
Wish right now, wish right now

For me the ultimate birthday wish is the wish itself. That would give me the ultimate freedom to wish for anything. To define the meaning of a perfect gift, does nothing but to constrain it. 

If you had one chance, what would be your perfect birthday wish?

Happy birthday . Pretend all the airplanes in the night skies are shooting stars, maybe you'll use them for a wish or two.

Kenapa manusia perlukan cinta.

Kenapa manusia perlukan cinta?

Cinta datang

Cinta pergi

Cinta menyakitkan

Kenapa manusia perlukan cinta?

Kenapa manusia perlukan cinta?

Cinta membuatkan kita menangis

Cinta membuatkan kita buta

Jadi kenapa manusia perlukan cinta?

Tanpa cinta kita mati

Tanpa cinta kita cuma sekujur tubuh kaku

Tanpa Perasaan

Tanpa Jiwa

Tapi bagi aku jawapanya bukan seribu

Aku perlukan cinta

Hanya kerana satu

Kerana aku mahu kamu.

Saying goodbye to a peach tree.

I once had a peach tree. Peach trees are rare in Malaysia, perhaps even non-existent. But I had my own personal peach tree.

It was a very special tree. If I had any problems or when my mind is messed up, I'd go to my peach tree and find solace there. When life gave me lemons, my peach tree gave me the sweetest peaches there is. It made the overwhelming sourness of the lemons go away.

One day, I went to my peach tree. When I arrived, I saw my peach tree all fenced up, behind a metal fence with barbed wires. On the fence there was a sign. It read:

"Goodbye Faisal, I can't be your peach tree anymore"

Before I went away, I hung a small piece of paper on that metal fence. It read:

"Goodbye Peachy. Thank You for being there for me whenever I needed you. I'm gonna miss you. Love,Booky"

So I left my own personal peach tree. As I walked away I smiled a faint smile, and a single drop of tear fell from my eye.

But then I paused. I turned around and looked back at my own personal peach tree. I smiled again and quietly whispered to myself..

"You'll be safe here"

My Dad, the ultra hip uber cool modern father of....the 1950's.

When my dad was a student in the 70's, he was pretty fashionable. He wore bell-bottom pants, platform shoes and leather bracelets. Not to mention his long curly hair, reminiscent of Slash, the legendary lead guitarist from Guns N Roses.

Slash remained looking like Slash but as was the case for my dear father, age caught up with him and he now looks pretty much like how a 53 year old father of 4 looks like:

How a 53 Year Old Father of 4 looks like:

1.Polo Shirts.

2.Polo Shirts tucked in khaki pants.

3.Omnipresent Mont Blanc pen in pocket.

4.Glasses.

5.Crocs (A must due to omnipresent back-ache)

6.Looks nothing like Slash.

My mother, on the other hand, is more hip and happening. She uses all sorts of modern acronyms if you will, when messaging with my dad. However, there are certain acronyms which my dad don't understand....

Modern Acronyms my dad don't understand:

1."OMG"- I messaged my dad the price of my final year textbooks which totaled to RM960. "OMG ayah, textbooks will set you back RM960". My dear father promptly replied: "Please tell me what is OMG"

2".XOXO"- My mom was bored at home so she texted my dad at work, she sent him "XOXO". My dad did not understand the meaning of" XOXO". So he sent back "YOYO" to my mom, for god knows what reason. At home, as we were explaining to him what "XOXO" was, he told us,and of course he made this up:

"I know what XOXO is..Ayah saja ja antaq YOYO..which stands for "Yang Oi, Yang Oi". 

3."LOL".- We all know that" LOL" stands for Laugh Out Loud. Unfortunately, my dad does not. My dad was chairing a meeting one day when my mom texted him. He did not reply because he was chairing a meeting so when he finally replied, my mom sent a "LOL, its okay" type of message. My dad, misconstrued LOL as being "Lembap Oi Lembap" and promptly replied to my dear mother: "Sampai hati you kata I lembap oi lembap"

So that's my dad. The ultra hip uber cool modern father of the....1950's. I love my father dearly. He's not the most modern dad out there but in my opinion, he is, by far, the best dad anyone could ever have. =). 

When Royalty Rents Out Their Personal Toilets For Money

So there I was in Medan, Indonesia. I was feeling sick and nauseous due to the thought of the flight back home the next day. I have a fear of flying. I wasn't feeling very good and I just wanted to go back to the hotel and sleep.

However Pak Supardji (I changed his name on purpose), our tour guide had other plans for us. He brought us to Istana Maimoon. It was a splendid palace built on a sprawling piece of land. The palace wasn't that grand. It's nothing like Istana Iskandariah in Kuala Kangsar or Istana Besar in Johor Bahru, but it had this old world charm to it.

A long story cut short, after visiting the balairong seri etc, as I was making my way down from the grand steps towards our tourist van (or van pariwisata in Indonesian), I saw my brother and father make way for the royal quarters. I wanted yelled at them:

"Ayah!! That's where the royal family live! You cannot go there!"

See, the descendants of the Malay Sultans of Deli still lived in the palace, and according to the curator, the royal quarters were off limits. But my dad and brother had other plans. They wanted to use the loo.When a man has to go, than he has to go, come rain or shine. I was waiting for a security guard to tell them off or at least stop them from going towards the royal quarters.

To my surprise, a security guard who was standing nearby just looked at them and did absolutely nothing.

I waited for them to come back. When they finally came back, my brother told me that the people who were operating the toilet were the royal family. A sharp imaginary stab of a dagger went straight through my heart.

In Indonesia, the royal family of the Malay Sultans of Deli are not given a single cent as allowance. I learned that the museum curator, the person who collected donations for the palace and the toilet operator were all part of the royal family.

The government does not give them a single cent to maintain the palace. The fund for the maintenance of the palace was solely derived from public donations, and also through the selling of various souvenirs.

What saddens me is that the Sultans of Deli were Malay Sultans. Some of them actually married Malay princesses from Perak. The museum curator was a direct descendant of one of the princesses from Perak that had married into the Deli Royal Family. His grandmother currently lives in Kuala Kangsar.

My brother and I told him about how the royal family here lived in absolute wealth. Not just the Sultans and their immediate family members, but also their extended family members. I told Pak Supardji that the Sultans here in Malaysia use Bentleys and Maybachs as modes of transportation. We explained high and low about the high status of royalty here.

Pak Supardji's melancholic reply was short but full of meaning:

"The royalty here rents out their toilets for money to eat"

Why I use the Malaysian flag as drapes for my bedroom window.

I saw a dude flying a German flag on his car. Great show of support for the German national team. What's wrong with this guy? He flies a German flag on Malaysian soil. This guy flies a German flag instead of a Malaysian flag on Malaysian soil. Some might say he's just being a regular guy whose into football @ The World Cup. Some might say that it's just his way of letting the world know that Bastian Schweinsteiger is his hero. But for me, flying a foreign flag on your home soil, instead of flying yours, for whatever reason, is just plain disrespectful.

Try flying a German flag in front of an army veteran who tried fighting away the Japanese during World War 2. Fly the German flag in front of a widow whose husband died in the jungles fighting off communists during the emergency.  Show them that the youths of today spat on the sacrifices of these men in arms by refusing to fly the Malaysian flag and instead, fly the flag of a country that has done nothing for us that is worth a mention.

I fly the Malaysian flag proudly in my room and on my car. Every Merdeka, my family would proudly hoist the Malaysian flag on a metal pole for a whole month. Fly the Malaysian flag and let the world know how proud you are of this country, our country. Tanah Tumpahnya darah kita.

I use the Malaysian flag as drapes for my bedroom window for one simple reason. Because I love my country. Maybe I'm overreacting but seeing a Malaysian dude, proudly flying the flag of Germany makes me want to smack him on the forehead.

Love this country. Appreciate what the freedom fighters and our men in arms had done for us. They did what they did, they sacrificed their family and even their lives so that the future generation of Malaysians would have their own national anthem, their own flag to fly and most importantly, a place to call home.

Make the sacrifices of the soldiers and policeman who died in the line of duty worthwhile. Show your respect for our heroes by flying the flag of the country they fought for.

I quote the writings found on the Tugu Negara:

"Dedicated to the heroic fighters in the cause of peace and freedom. May the blessing of Allah be upon them"

Amin.

Why I think feminists are funny people.

What They Do Part 1:

They spend so many time trying to show the world that woman are capable of doing jobs that are normally associated with men. 

What They Actually Show Part 1:

They are actually agreeing to the fact that males are superior by demonstrating that they too at present time, can achieve something that the male species had achieved tens or even hundreds of years ago. 

What They Do Part 2:

They keep on saying woman can be world leaders too! They give examples such as Margaret Thatcher, Gloria Aroyyo and Khaleda Zia. Sometimes when they really want to prove a point, they name each and every present female head of states.

What They Actually Show Part 2:

They are highlighting that as of now (22nd April 2010) out of 195 countries, only 24 are headed by females. Which means that only roughly 12% of the world are headed by females. When I say 24, 3 are actually headed by royalty ie Her Majesties The Queens of England, Netherlands and Denmark. If I was to count only elected representatives, that would make the total number of elected female head of states a grand 10.7%.

What They Do Part 3:

They keep on questioning why they are discriminated against. Why is everything dominated by males. Why are they not given the chance to prove that they too, are well qualified.

What They Actually Show Part 3:

They highlight the fact they are subordinate to men. They are actually highlighting their own weaknesses.

I am of the opinion that girls are just as intelligent and just as capable as guys, if not better. They are the reason why there are so many successful guys out there. Tun Dr Mahathir would not be, and I guarantee you this, the man he is today if Tun Dr Siti Hasmah wasn't there for him in his time of need. At home, my mom is the backbone of my dad. My girlfriend holds me and comforts me in my time of need, whenever, wherever ever since the first day she said "I love you" to me. My bffs are there for me, through thick and thin :). 

However, sometimes, although it may be very hard to admit, girls are just not cut out to do some things that are normally done by guys. There must be a reason why Allah SWT told us all that prophets can only be from the male species. Similarly, there are some things that guys could never do that are normally done by girls.

Here's why feminists make me laugh. They try so hard to prove that girls are just as good as guys but what they don't realize is that they are merely highlighting the weaknesses of the female species. They make me laugh because they live in an isolated world where they think males look down on females where in reality, that is absolutely false. Guys don't look down on girls.

As a guy, when I look into my mother's eyes, all I see is strength. All I see is wisdom. All I see is love. Feminists are like racists. They plague the world, spreading hatred. 

Don't be one ;)

Back when I was a kid

Back when I was a kid I wanted to be the Sultan of Perak.

Back when I was a kid I wanted to be a formula one driver.

Back when I was a kid I wanted to be Kurt Cobain.

Back when I was a kid I wanted to be the richest man alive.

Back when I was a kid I wanted to make a difference.

Back when I was a kid I believed The Beatles when they said All you need is love.

Back when I was a kid, I had this vision of me in the future. I saw me being successful. I saw me being all that I knew I could be. I saw me standing tall above all the shits that life had to offer. I saw me being able to achieve anything and everything that I wanted. But above all, I saw me living my dream life.

But life had other plans. I don't know where I went wrong but somewhere along the way I got a little lost. Everyday I feel like age is catching up with me and that slowly all the dreams that I had are being taken away by a cruel phenomenon known as reality. I find myself trying to hold on desperately to those dreams, knowing full well that those dreams will never ever be realized.

As I near the end of my university life, I realized that what I am today, is nothing what a young me envisioned  an older me to be in the future. I realized that all the dreams I had for me when I was a kid was amounting to nothing more than a puff of smoke. 

Reminiscing about the good old times is something that I love to do. Bitter-sweet memories of my childhood, my teen years and all the dreams that I had.

Back when I was a kid I didn't want to be the person that I am today.

How about you? Is the current you the person you always wanted to be when you were a kid?

Why I won't shave my facial hair. Ever.

Here's why:

1. It is vital to maintain facial hair for that Johnny Depp look.
2. It is vital to somewhat look like Johnny Depp.
3. It is vital to have facial hair resembling those of Johnny Depp's.
4. Johnny Depp is the single most coolest guy on the face of planet earth.

I watched Johnny Depp's latest movie, Public Enemies a few days ago. I was dumbstruck by his coolness.

I will not shave my facial hair. I will walk like a drunken pirate. I will swap my hands for a pair of scissors. I will purchase a chocolate factory.

But before all that, I'd have to get me my first pair of leather jacket/pants and visit M.A.C for a boxful of eyeliners and mascara to truely look like Johnny Depp.

6 packs and toned biceps? Nah...Who needs all that when you got eyeliners and mascara.

Losing My Virginity: An experience that will never be forgotten.

The place was cold. It was late in the evening and I had to go home soon. I wanted to leave. However, I  told myself turning back and leaving was not an option. I walked over to the girl not far from me. She wasn't drop dead gorgeous but she wasn't dead ugly either. She's what you call a typical "girl next door".

I summoned all the courage that I had in me. I would've downed a few cans of beer for that extra bit of courage but I don't drink. I was nervous. My mouth was dry. After staring at each other for a few seconds, I could already feel the tension between us. Finally, I opened my mouth.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a book"

"Yes sir, this is a book store. What's the title of the book you're looking for?"

"The author is Sir Richard Branson" I told her.

"Yes sir, and the title please?"

"............."

"Sir, the title please?"

"Losing my virginity"

She gave me a blank look. 

"I'll be right back sir"

She went away looking for the book. A few minutes later she came back and told me she had something else to do. She subsequently told me that one of her colleagues would help me find the book. I wanted to tell her it's OK I'll look for the book myself . I would not like anyone else to know that I was looking for a book titled "Losing my virginity". 

People.will.judge.me.

As I opened my mouth to tell her it's OK I'll look for the book myself, she called out to her colleague, Allen. 

"Allen!" she called out in a rather loud voice, "Please help me to find a book for this customer" (she pointed her thumb at me). Allen was a few meters away from the wretched woman and I.

"Ok sure, what's the title of the book?"

"You bastard woman don't you f**king dare tell him the title of the book in front of everyone here!" Went a voice inside my head. Much to my dismay, the wretched witch bellowed:

"It's called LOSING MY VIRGINITY"

You stupid woman you ruined my life. She repeated it a few times when flabbergasted Allen did not believe his ears.

Behind me was a long queue. Beside me was an even longer queue. In front of me was an old lady with her grandchild. Everyone there now knows I was looking for a book titled "Losing my virginity". Everyone there will now think that I am somewhat perverted.

Allen smiled. I told Allen the book's not about what he thinks it's about. It's about a self-made billionaire, not some lewd perverted journal of a complete stranger's first time sexual experience. He just nodded. Never once did his smile fade away. I bet he'll be telling the same story that I am telling you right now to his friends.

I'm so going to order that book via mail order. I didn't wait for smiling flabbergasted Allen to return with the book. It's hard to keep your cool when a whole bunch of people are staring at you while whispering to each other. It was a scene fit for a typical American teen movie.

To some ignorant few on that fateful evening, and maybe even Allen, I will forever be remembered as the dude who wanted to buy a book with instructions as to how to lose his virginity. 

Damn you wretched woman. And damn you Allen.

* The book was titled losing my virginity most probably as a tongue in cheek reference to Sir Richard Branson's trademark company, The Virgin Group. 

Syaitan Setor Tingkatan 4 Cekap

I woke up at 6.30am in the morning. As soon as I got up, I decided to go out for a morning jog.

As I jogged from my house all the way up to Bukit Setiawangsa, all of a sudden old memories came gushing back into my head. 

I had Explosions In The Sky playing on my Walkman. The precise song that was playing was "Your Hand In Mine", my favourite song by them. The melancholic tune of the song made me feel nostalgic and somewhat sad. As I jogged pass my old school, I could see a younger version of me running towards the school gates. I was very rarely early nor on time for school. I'd be at least 5 minutes late.

I could also see my friends greeting me in front of the staircase in between block C and D..or was it A and B? I can't remember. I could see visions of me laughing my head off. I could see visions of me being carefree and somewhat naive. I miss those days greatly.

I miss the days where my best friends were around me all day. I miss the days where I would spike my Bio teacher just for the fun of it. I miss the days where I would gossip all day long with my BM teacher. I miss the days where I would talk and joke around with my friends during EST while pretending to be doing some work. I miss the days where I learned history from my all knowing-history teacher.

I miss Tingkatan 5 Amanah. I miss sitting at the back of that class (during most history lessons I'd be standing up) and pretending to be listening to the teacher in front. I miss....just lepaking at the back of the class..especially Fridays where all of us would smack each other's arses with our sampins. 

One of my fondest memory was when our accounts teacher raided the store room at the back of my class and went literally berserk:

DEMONS OF TINGKATAN 4 CEKAP

What subject: Accounting Principles

Location    : Tingkatan 4 Cekap/ Store room at the back.

WRONGDOING  : Ponteng class to lepak in store room to eat burger.

Teacher     : 1.Raided store room.

              2.Shouted "anak setan"

              3.Blindingly swung both arms around.

              4.Hitting every moving target at
                will.


lesson learned:


Only eat during recess.

You'd be asking why would getting hit by a teacher be one of my fondest memories. The answer is because it's one of the dumbest, most nakal-est things I ever did. It's one memory I could look back to and laugh at me for me being so....16 year old me. I am 22 years old this year. Being 16 seemed like just yesterday.

As I walked down Bukit Setiawangsa back to Taman Keramat Permai, I asked myself, what was high-school for me? I'm still trying to answer that question because there is no, and there never will be, any definitive answer. 

Whenever I think about high-school, I can only think of one thing. That one thing is how much I miss it.