Jan 15, 2010

An analysis about Vokabulari pemuda/pemudi melayu zaman kini.

"Bro! Boleh tolong sikit tak bro?"
"Boleh..nak tolong apa?"
"Macam ni bro, nak mintak tolong bro sikit tolong fotostat dokumen dokumen ni. Thanks bro, nanti bro dah habis fotostat bro letak atas meja boss eh bro? Thanks bro!"

What's wrong with the conversation above?

I have never heard a human being using the word 'bro' so many times in a single conversation. He said bro seven times. I don't mean to be rude but him saying bro seven times in a single conversation makes me want to take my socks off and stuff it in his mouth or do the next best thing: Stab my ears with sharpened pencils so that I'd be deaf and won't be able to hear the guy talk. Or say 'bro'. Ever again.

He is exceedingly annoying.

But I guess that's how modern Malay youths talk. Here are some example of words used frequently by Malay youths nowadays.

1. "Nak gi mana dowh?"
What in god's name is dowh? I can only guess. It sounds like an abbreviation of the word "Bodoh". Can it be concluded that Malay youths nowadays call people stupid for no apparent reason?

2. "Weh, dah makan belum?"
What the hell is "weh?". I have absolutely no idea. I think it's an abbreviation of the word "wahai". People just got lazy. It used to be "Wahai teman, ke mana hendaknya?". Then it got shortened to "Wahai, nak pergi mana?". After that people just got more and more lazy so "Wahai" turned into "Weh".

3. "Chillex la bro, banyak masa lagi"
Chillex. A combination of chill and relax. I don't even know where to start with this....

4."Ala...sikit jew. Sikit tu pun nak marah kew".
This is an example of how Malay youths nowadays text. Ke is replaced with 'kew'. 'Je' is replaced by 'jew'. I'm sure people must know that 'jew' means yahudi -.-". The people who text using this kind of vocabulary annoys me just as much if not more than the dude who says 'bro' seven times in a single conversation.

I asked my parents about 'dowh' and they said they have never heard of it when they were small. Talk about change huh?

To all malay youths out there, including myself, who uses the word "dowh", Homer Simpson would be so proud of us.


Jan 13, 2010

Real men wear pink! But so does Elton John.

So there I was at a shoe store @ Carre4 Wangsa Maju with Mat. He insists on spelling 'Mat' with two T's. Even if I had to travel to hell and back, I'll never spell his name that way. Just because.

Anyways, I was looking for a new pair of sandals to replace my worn out capals. I was busy looking around the store when I found a pair that I liked. I called the sales assistant nearby to ask her for a size 9..

Faisal: Kak, yang ni size sembilan ada?

Sales Assistant: Er..adik..ni untuk perempuan...

Faisal: Ouh.....

Mat was laughing. The sales assistant was smiling. I was doing neither. I was staring blankly at the sales assistant. Since that fateful day my dear friend Mat has never stopped mocking me. Sadly, the "feminine" side of me has never left me. That fateful day at Carre4 Wangsa Maju was a sign of things to come. After the 'Shoe store' incident , there has been a couple of occasions where I made the same mistake, with the most recent being committed at Bukit Bintang a few weeks ago.

"Sal, ko nak tengok bahagian ladies tak? Mana tau kot-kot ada yang ko berkenan kat situ"

An example of how my dear friend of seven years Mat would mock me. 

It got me thinking, why was I drawn to female attire on a couple of occasions? To make matters even worst, pink is my favourite colour.

One thing I'm absolutely sure of is how unbelievably straight I am. Ask the girlfriend. She should know, she's a girl and I'm dating her. See straight as a ruler.

But that still doesn't answer why I was mysteriously drawn to female attire on a couple of occasions. I wear a necklace with a star-shaped pendant, I have a billion rings, a few bracelets and am the master of two female hamsters named  Barbie and Babe. Can I be any more gay-er?

Some guys actually go for manicures and pedicures. Some guys even wax themselves. Hell some guys get waxed while having pedi/manicures. And what's more astonishing is that these guys are as straight as a ruler.

To me, only real men are comfortable to admit that they pamper themselves. To me, only real men are brave enough to be in touch with their feminine side. Only guys with serious insecurity issues try to show the whole wide world how manly they are, most probably to hide the fact that they are actual softies deep down inside.

You know the type that will squeal in horror if they see something bad. Yes, squeal. Not man-shout, but squeal.

My conclusion is simple. Only real men wear pink! But the only problem is...so does Elton John. Dammit.