Dec 26, 2012

What's it like to be a grown up.

I remember when I was 17, before I got my driving license, walking back from school with Mat and Mamu, I'd be looking at the sky and wondering when will I ever grow the fuck up and be an adult. Earning my own money, doing what I like, going where I please. I could not wait to "grow up". I wished that time would fly.

Nearly 8 years down the road I'm finally (albeit barely) here.The freedom I yearned for, the feeling of being independent (almost) that was always an enigma to me has finally arrived. Lo and behold, I hereby declare that I am an adult. I quasi-earn my own money (still chambering). I do as I please (almost) and I go out with anybody at anytime of the day without my parents calling me to balik rumah tidur tak elok nanti kalau jiran nampak.

I wish I could say how much I love being an adult. Problem is, I cant. Being a carefree kid/teenager was the best period of my life. The FUCK YOU I don't care approach I've been using all my life until now when dealing with difficult people and problems can be used no longer. I am now not allowed to walk away from any shit that comes my way and let someone else sort it out for me. My shit Is my own shit.

Of course my mom and dad/family/friends will always be there for me but you get my point right. I have to figure out how I'll be paying for this and that. I have to learn how to not ask dad for every single thing and ask mom for...well every single thing. Back in my final year in university, my parents still did/paid everything for me. Now as I am approaching the end of my chambering period, I could feel the Ghost of Responsibility quickly catching up, breathing down my neck and releasing unto me the evil spirit of havingtogiveafuck.

If I had the ability to go back in time and give a piece of advice to 17 year old me, it'd be this:

"Find the fountain of youth or just kill yourself in order to rid you off this horrible curse of aging".

Ok la,no. That would not be what I'd advice me. I'd advice me to stop wishing I was 21 so that I'll be "legal". I'd advice me to wish that instead of wishing time flies, why not wish time stood still because as an adult, you'll grow up and mature enough to see and realize that 90% of the time when you smile alone when no one is watching, it'd be because of a memory.

I wish time stood still on the 7th of August 2012 for me to tell my beloved Opah how much I love her and how much I'll be missing her come the 8th of August. She passed away on that date.

What's it like to be a grown up? Simple. It's not half as fun as when you're still a kid.