Oct 28, 2010

When a baby name dies.

I was chatting with Putri about her niece, Baby PJ or Baby Putri Junior. Baby PJ remained nameless for the first two weeks of her life. After three weeks of being a citizen of the world, Baby PJ was finally named *a really modern name goes here*.

So then it got me thinking. If this was the current trend of names, than I may be the last of the Ahmad Faisals. I am, an endangered species.

It may, no wait...not may...It WILL happen sooner or later. I am going to categorize names that used to be popular.

Ultra Classic Malay Names:

1. Jantan -
Eg: Putera Jantan Bin Osman Rani

How it used to be: ultra manly name of its time. It denotes masculinity and strength.
How it is now      : weird name, whereupon if a modern baby was named this, he would be the butt of jokes.

Dania: Hye Jantan *holding back laughter*
Putera Jantan: Kenapa you macam nak tergelak?
Dania: Takde apa la you *holding back laughter*
Putera Jantan: It's my name isn't it...
Dania: hahahahahahhaa.

2. Names that pay homage to days -
Eg. Abu bin Isnin, Mat Lazim bin Mat Kamis, Radhi bin Sabtu.

How it used to be: a normal name that is absolutely not out of the ordinary.
How it is now      : If a modern baby was named one of these names...this will happen.

Thursday,7th October 2020.
Dania: Eh you hari ni hari apa?
Mat Kamis : .....ntah...
Daniel Ariff: Bro, cakapla..hari ini hari apa...
Mat Kamis: ....ntah.....
Whole Class: Hari ini hari mat KAMIS!!!! *All around laughter*
Mat Kamis: Why dad..why...*crying*

Other classic names include Rosmidah, my dear aunty and Zabedah, my dear Opah. The thing about classic female names is that they don't sound as weird as classic male names and some are still in popular use to this very day. But I have realized one thing, female names that ends with the letter 'H' are becoming less and less common. People would instead get rid of the 'H' and end it with an 'A'.


Amirah - Amira
Munirah - Munira
Sarah - Sara (That's you put!) haha

I have to agree that getting rid of the 'H' does make a name look and sound more modern, not to mention more feminine.

Then we come across to my generation. When I was born, the trend was to name babies with Islamic names. Ahmad Faisal. It can't get anymore Islamic than that. This trend has actually been around for a while. But I realized that it's a dying trend.

Nowadays names are sounding less Islamic but the cool part is that they have beautiful Islamic meanings. Here are some examples:

1.(Girl)  Reyhana (My dear gendot baby cousin)  - meaning: Sweet smelling flower of paradise.
2.(Girl)  Zara -  meaning: Bright as dawn.
3.(Boy) Rayyan (My other dear baby cousin) - meaning: One of the gates of paradise.
4.(Boy) Danial - meaning: Intelligent.

Names are getting more and more less Islamic sounding, gone are the days where newborns are named Abdullah Al-Amin or Saidatul Aqqilah or even perhaps Ahmad Faisal.

But I am proud of my name. My mom told me I was named after a great King, Al-Maliq Faisal of Saudi Arabia. It may not be the most modern name but it sure is my favorite :)

Oct 26, 2010

How to screw up a first date.

I was having my usual teh tarik session with Lilliane when we came across the topic of dates. It was just a random topic and I told her my first date strategy. Please note that I have not hit on a girl in three long years, the last time was when I was 19 years old so my strategies can be a bit.....what's the word...lame.

Sal's first date strategy:
1. Magic tricks.
2. Fancy restaurant.
3. SUIT UP! okay not suit up per se but wear smart clothing, shoes etc.
4. Try to sound cool.
5. Be Barney Stinson.

Lil's comment on Sal's first date strategy:
2. Bring girl in question to some place casual with a relaxed environment.
3. SUIT DOWN- You don't wanna look like you're trying too hard.
4. Don't try to sound cool. - You will instead sound like a complete retard.
6. Be Ted Mosbey instead.

So after a long and thoughtful discussion, we said our goodnights. On my way home, while listening to John Mayer's A love song for no one, I thought long and hard about what needs to be done on a first date. It's not like I have someone to go on a first date with right now but what if one day, the time finally comes for me to go out on a first date with a girl.

What should I do?

My 5 first date strategies will do nothing but screw up my first date. It's 5 ways to screw up a first date.

I thought about my first date strategies, all the five seemed so right when I thought of them in my head but when I verbally laid it out to Lil, she wasn't very impressed. In all honesty, neither was I. My First Date strategy was nothing but L.A.M.E.

When I reached home to the sound of Eminem's Beautiful, I thought to myself and sighed a sigh of contempt and told myself, "Dude, just be yourself. You want a girl to like you because of who you are, not what you plan to be"

So if you like trash metal bands, bring a girl to a trash metal gig. If you like farting in front of people, don't be a fucking idiot and fart in front of her. Respect the girl, be true to you and above all else, be sincere with all your heart.

Unlike most guys who simply cannot see past the mid-chest section of girls, a girl see's past the eyes, into the soul. You don't need to be Barney Stinson or Ted Moseby, you just need to be *insert own name here*.

If you are sincere, she'll see past all your lameness. If you just want to get laid and she accepts, than say hello to STDs.

HIV bukan untuk diwarisi, jalanilah saringan HIV di klinik atau hosptal kerajaan berdekatan, Salam 1Malaysia -.-" <-- lame.haha.

Oct 16, 2010

Characteristics of Malay Jocks aka "Lelaki Hek"

Jocks. We see them in American teen movies and dramas. They may be different individuals but all of them have a few things in common: All of them are athletic, all of them are muscular, all of them are as stupid as f**k and last but not least, all of them are popular.

So lets take a look at the local context of "jocks". My sister and I call these type of guys "Lelaki Hek".

They talk walk stalk and conduct themselves in very very similar ways. I am an observer. I always observe people and as a result, I have short-listed a few "lelaki hek" characteristics.

Characteristics of "Lelaki Hek"

1. Name Dropping.
They name drop as soon as they find out you go to the same college as one of their many friends.
"Hey, u belajar college mana?"
"Oh I belajar dekat Beautiful Brunettes Academy of Langkawi, Be.B.A.L."
"Oh, I tau, kawan I ada pergi situ...you kenal Azura?"
"Oh, you kenal Lina?"
"Oh you kenal...."
*15 names later*
".....Oh you kenal....." It never stops.

Why they do this? To show girls they know a lot of people thus showing how popular they are.

2. Showing off how many friends they have, in a very subtle way.

Guy: Hey, you wanna hang out tonight?
Girl: Hmmm, I'm not sure? Can I reconfirm?
Guy: Okay,but be sure to let me know A.S.A.P..
Girl: Oh ya? why?
Guy: Sebab I kena book 8 table...

Normal hang out session.8 tables.Hmmm....

3. The way they dress.

i. Tight Clothes.
ii.Tight pants.
iii. Raised Collar (Collar tajam ke atas)
iv. White, narrow and pointy shoes.
v.  Huge belt buckle (Front of shirt always tucked behind huge belt buckle to really make huge belt buckle stand out)

4. The way they stylize their hair/facial hair.

i. Fake Mohawk aka Fauxhawk.
ii.The little patch of hair immediately below their lower lips (They shave all except this tiny patch of hair).
iii.Too much perfume.
iv. Silver Jewelry (The "C" shaped metal bangle is the most common)


Now, this particular  characteristic is not shared by all "Lelaki Heks". Only a select few of  ridiculously high "hek" levels share this characteristic. And that particular characteristic is:

i. Wearing sunglasses indoors.

Ok there you have it, characteristics of "Lelaki Hek" :)

Oct 13, 2010

The Gym: A place where straight guys become slightly gay.

So there I was with The Wingman. It was our first time at a swanky "professional" gym. We were excited. We were full of energy. 

Fate has finally brought us to this gym. It must have been at least 3 years since I first uttered the words "This year I'm gonna join a gym and workout!!!!" It took at least 3 years for those words to become a reality.

Anyways, here is why a gym is a place where straight guys become slightly gay:

Location: GYM FLOOR.

1. EyeBalling other guys.
This happens. A lot. I have seen completely straight guys (based on assumption mind you, there's no telling whether they're straight or not but by the looks of them, they are normal heterosexual males) eyeballing other guys. 

They eyeball tough toned muscular dudes..and admire their bodies..I heard a guy say to his friend "I love his body"..wth man.

But this...I have to admit...I too, look at bodies of tough guys. BUT STRICTLY FOR INSPIRATION. seriously. I like girls, period.

Location: LOCKER ROOM.

1.Vanity level goes up..way up. -  This happened In front of a huge wall mirror.

"Bro, look at my biceps man, the protein shake really worked"
"Seriously, its huge man"

2. Where a grown man asks another grown man to touch him...tenderly.

This happened in the locker room, near the sauna.

"Eh bro...how's my abs? Are they visible?"
"Yeah, I can really see them"
"Touch them, see how firm they are"
"Yeah man, sure"
"Be careful, don't press too hard..it still hurts a bit" (Please please please "it still hurts a bit" from working out and not some lewd activity)


So there you have it. A gym is full of tough guys? Hell no man. A gym is full of little daisy loving baby girls in  men suits.

Oct 11, 2010

How to move on from a 2 year relationship in a month.

Well here is a list of things a person, and by person I mean I, have to do for me to get over a 2 year relationship within a month.

1 Keep in constant touch with your own personal friend-based SUPPORT GROUP.
2.Listen to Eminem and relate the shit state you're in to his lyrics, It'll make you feel better.
3.Stop stalking the ex's Facebook page.
4.Stop all means of contact with the ex.
5.Cheesecake. Eat all the cheesecake in the world, comfort food.
6.Go out and meet new people.
7.Smoke Marlboro Reds.
8.Smoke some more Marlboro Reds.
9.Smoke a few more Marlboro Reds.
10. Too much Marlboro Reds, than settle for Marlboro Lights.

There you go, ten easy steps to get over a 2 year relationship over a period of one month.

Or is it?

It's not. I did all and it still hurts as much as hell.

After much thought, I came to a conclusion that there is no such thing as getting over a girl you loved with all your heart over a pre-defined period of time.

They only way to get over a 2 year relationship is by doing absolutely nothing at all. Time heals. Even if it seems like no amount of time will ever heal a broken beaten battered heart, believe me, thats the only thing that can help you.

In the meantime, I'll just wait for that special someone, the girl of my dreams to suddenly and dramatically appear and make me the happiest guy alive. I'm waiting for that one special girl who would love me with all her heart.

Because Dear non-existing-girl-of-my-dreams, whoever you are, wherever you are,  the moment you come into my life,whenever that time may be, I will love you, with nothing less than all my heart. I may not know how to party hard or to compose a love laced sweet sweet musical serenade, but I sure as hell know how to love.

As I lay on my bed listening to a love song for no one, I thought to myself:

I don't know who you are, where you live, where you come from or what you do for a living, but Dear Girl-Of-My-Dreams, I'm going to find you one day and give you nothing short of the world. I mean it.