An analysis about Vokabulari pemuda/pemudi melayu zaman kini.

"Bro! Boleh tolong sikit tak bro?"
"Boleh..nak tolong apa?"
"Macam ni bro, nak mintak tolong bro sikit tolong fotostat dokumen dokumen ni. Thanks bro, nanti bro dah habis fotostat bro letak atas meja boss eh bro? Thanks bro!"
"Sama-sama......"

What's wrong with the conversation above?

I have never heard a human being using the word 'bro' so many times in a single conversation. He said bro seven times. I don't mean to be rude but him saying bro seven times in a single conversation makes me want to take my socks off and stuff it in his mouth or do the next best thing: Stab my ears with sharpened pencils so that I'd be deaf and won't be able to hear the guy talk. Or say 'bro'. Ever again.

He is exceedingly annoying.

But I guess that's how modern Malay youths talk. Here are some example of words used frequently by Malay youths nowadays.


1. "Nak gi mana dowh?"
What in god's name is dowh? I can only guess. It sounds like an abbreviation of the word "Bodoh". Can it be concluded that Malay youths nowadays call people stupid for no apparent reason?

2. "Weh, dah makan belum?"
What the hell is "weh?". I have absolutely no idea. I think it's an abbreviation of the word "wahai". People just got lazy. It used to be "Wahai teman, ke mana hendaknya?". Then it got shortened to "Wahai, nak pergi mana?". After that people just got more and more lazy so "Wahai" turned into "Weh".

3. "Chillex la bro, banyak masa lagi"
Chillex. A combination of chill and relax. I don't even know where to start with this....

4."Ala...sikit jew. Sikit tu pun nak marah kew".
This is an example of how Malay youths nowadays text. Ke is replaced with 'kew'. 'Je' is replaced by 'jew'. I'm sure people must know that 'jew' means yahudi -.-". The people who text using this kind of vocabulary annoys me just as much if not more than the dude who says 'bro' seven times in a single conversation.

I asked my parents about 'dowh' and they said they have never heard of it when they were small. Talk about change huh?

To all malay youths out there, including myself, who uses the word "dowh", Homer Simpson would be so proud of us.

D'oh!

Real men wear pink! But so does Elton John.

So there I was at a shoe store @ Carre4 Wangsa Maju with Mat. He insists on spelling 'Mat' with two T's. Even if I had to travel to hell and back, I'll never spell his name that way. Just because.

Anyways, I was looking for a new pair of sandals to replace my worn out capals. I was busy looking around the store when I found a pair that I liked. I called the sales assistant nearby to ask her for a size 9..

Faisal: Kak, yang ni size sembilan ada?


Sales Assistant: Er..adik..ni untuk perempuan...


Faisal: Ouh.....


Mat was laughing. The sales assistant was smiling. I was doing neither. I was staring blankly at the sales assistant. Since that fateful day my dear friend Mat has never stopped mocking me. Sadly, the "feminine" side of me has never left me. That fateful day at Carre4 Wangsa Maju was a sign of things to come. After the 'Shoe store' incident , there has been a couple of occasions where I made the same mistake, with the most recent being committed at Bukit Bintang a few weeks ago.

"Sal, ko nak tengok bahagian ladies tak? Mana tau kot-kot ada yang ko berkenan kat situ"


An example of how my dear friend of seven years Mat would mock me. 

It got me thinking, why was I drawn to female attire on a couple of occasions? To make matters even worst, pink is my favourite colour.

One thing I'm absolutely sure of is how unbelievably straight I am. Ask the girlfriend. She should know, she's a girl and I'm dating her. See straight as a ruler.

But that still doesn't answer why I was mysteriously drawn to female attire on a couple of occasions. I wear a necklace with a star-shaped pendant, I have a billion rings, a few bracelets and am the master of two female hamsters named  Barbie and Babe. Can I be any more gay-er?

Some guys actually go for manicures and pedicures. Some guys even wax themselves. Hell some guys get waxed while having pedi/manicures. And what's more astonishing is that these guys are as straight as a ruler.

To me, only real men are comfortable to admit that they pamper themselves. To me, only real men are brave enough to be in touch with their feminine side. Only guys with serious insecurity issues try to show the whole wide world how manly they are, most probably to hide the fact that they are actual softies deep down inside.

You know the type that will squeal in horror if they see something bad. Yes, squeal. Not man-shout, but squeal.

My conclusion is simple. Only real men wear pink! But the only problem is...so does Elton John. Dammit.

Drugs, Sex and Rock n Roll...oh and alcohol.

FEMALES: A STEREOTYPICAL ANALYSIS. 

BANGSAR TWEENS

AGE                : 13-15 years old.

ENGLISH ACCENT     : Standard fake American accent [over enunciated "R"]

LIKES              : Shopping, make up, spending rich dad's money and boys.

DRESS CODE         : Anything revealing. The less fabric, the better.

                                         The more expensive, the better.

AVERAGE MALAY TWEEN

AGE                : 13-15 years old.

ENGLISH ACCENT     : Slight Malay accent ie "the" sounds like "de".    

LIKES              : More or less the same as the Bangsar tweens. 

DRESS CODE         : Head scarf, tight top and hip hugging jeans *a generalization

I was walking around at The curve with my family when I wondered off away from the pack to visit a place where I call my second home, my sanctuary, my sanctum, my place of peace and tranquillity. Other people however call it a book-store.

Anyhow, on my way there, I stumbled upon a group of young tweenage girls who wore skimpy revealing outfits. Short skirts, Spaghetti tops etc. They spoke English with a very fake American accent. I could tell that their dad's were rich. Rich people have an "I'm rich" aura glowing around them. Plus I saw at least two of them using a Nokia N95 8 gig (Expensive phone weyh!). So I put 2 and 2 together and concluded that they were rich kids. Probably from Bangsar or Bukit Damansara.

Near them was a group of your average Malay tweens. They were eyeing the Bangsar tweens with a disgusted look on their faces. As I passed the Bangsar tweens (They wore too much perfume) and got nearer to the average Malay tween group I could hear them say amongst themselves "Menyampah aku tengok" and "Konfirm dah rosak". I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

On one side we have a group of skimpy outfit wearing tweens and on the other, we have a group of decently dressed Malay tweens. One group is out enjoying themselves, not disturbing anyone while the other group is busy bad mouthing other people. Which group is bitch-like? The Bangsar tweens or the average Malay tweens?

You see, just because one is decently dressed, it doesn't make him or her a better human being, nor does it make him or her a better Muslim. Muslims don't bad mouth other people unprovoked. I'm no Islamic scholar but I do know one thing: covering up will not guarantee you paradise. And I'm pretty sure bad mouthing others unprovoked is a big sin.

I was sore at the group of average Malay tweens because they concluded that the Bangsar tweens were confirmed underage little sluts just by looking at how they dressed. They made their own conclusion purely based on what they see. That can't be right can it?

Don't get me wrong though. Covering up is the right thing to do. Whatever the Quran says, I'm all for it. I'm no pious Muslim, but whatever the Quran says, that's how I aspire to live my life. I may have hit a few bumps along the way but ultimately the Muslim way of life is how I want to live my life.

Even so, no one has the right to judge others purely based on how they look. To me, the average Muslim tween group was an embarrassment to Islam. What they did a.k.a mengumpat belakang was a heinous act. I was disgusted by their thoughts @ they are better than the Bangsar tweens just because their clothing is more decent.

Good Muslims will make very good human beings. However, bad Muslims will not necessarily make bad human beings. Even if a Muslim lived the rockstarr lifestyle of drugs, sex and rock n roll....and alcohol, it only makes him a very bad Muslim, not a very bad human being. He may not pray or fast but he may have helped others by donating his time, energy or money for charitable purposes.

Princess Diana wasn't even a Muslim but all of us know how kind-hearted she was, how she helped many others when she was still alive and how she touched thousands if not millions of people with her acts of kindness.

The concept of bad Muslim and bad human being are not intertwined. People need to know how to differentiate between the two. At least that's what I think.

2 guys. 2 adam's apple. and a pair of breasts.

So there I was in KLCC. In Isetan to be exact. I was looking for some work pants when I saw this exceedingly hot female walking in front of me. She was holding hands with a scrawny "Blink and the wind generated might blow me away" looking guy.

No offence to the guy but his looks....don't jive with the fact that he's holding hands with a Megan Fox body double. In my head I was thinking, Love knows no boundaries. Maybe she's just a hot girl who has been lied to, cheated at, taken advantage of by a list of playboys aka jerks. Maybe now she doesn't care about looks. Maybe now she just wants a guy with a good heart. A guy that loves her for what's inside.

Beautiful right? Wrong. A few minutes later I found out the reason why the Megan Fox body double was holding hands with a scrawny dude with an overbite so severe, he could win 100 meter sprints by just opening his mouth. Here's the reason why.


The Megan Fox Body double report card:


                              Marks:      Remarks:
1. Model-like body.             10        HOT
2. Womanly Curves.              9.5       HOT
3. Toned thighs.                9.5       HOT
4. Toned arms.                  9.5       HOT
5. Long, silky hair.            10        HOT
6. Has a penis.                 ???!!!    ??!!!


Comments:
??????!!!


Further comments:
The Megan Fox body double probably has a penis since she is actually a he who has transformed herhimself into a she. She looks like a she, walks like a she, dresses like a she but most probably pees standing up. So that's why she's holding hands with the scrawny dude. No good-looking guy in the right state of mind would ever, ever go on a date with a dude, let alone hold hands with one.


It is their choice to be whatever they want. It's their choice to be with whoever they want. It's their right to be happy . It's their life. I and a few hundred people at Isetan on that fateful day don't mean to stare or pass judgement. I mean who am I to judge people right?

But it's so hard not to stare at a dude with C-cup breasts. 

Soul piercing compositions.

Songs. They make us laugh, they make us smile. They inspire us, they make us feel strong. They also make us cry, make us feel weak. It's 2.39am in the morning and I'm still awake. I am extremely tired but for some odd reason I'm unable to sleep. I'm struggling to find the reason as to why I'm still wide awake when my head tells me to sleep, when my body tells me that I'm exhausted. I think I may have found the answer.

Every night before I go to bed I would listen to my walkman (yes, you iPod worshippers, my walkman. I don't believe in spending more on a device just because everyone think it's cool, it's a waste of money.) I'm listening to one particular song over and over again. A song I hold dear in my heart because it reminds me of special times.

I find my mind wondering off to faraway places every time I listen to this particular song. I would be drifting in and out of memories. I would actively memory "hop", non-stop. I'm still wide awake at 2.56am in the morning simply because my mind is over-active at a time where it's supposed to be shutting down and falling asleep.

I ask myself,why am I listening to this song when it's keeping me awake? I have to wake up in 4 hours. After that there will be no more sleep from 9am to 6pm. I needed enough sleep to get me through tomorrow. Again I ask myself, why am I still listening to this particular song? In true Faisal fashion, my mind began drifting away again, trying to find the answer as to why I refuse to not listen to this particular song and just fall asleep.

Then it hit me. I'm listening to this particular song over and over again simply because I wanted to be reminded of the special times it reminds me off. I wanted to be stuck in a moment. I'm listening to this particular song over and over again so that I could relive the feelings I had then, when smiling was the easiest thing to do.

Listening to the same song over and over again simply meant that I wanted to spend a little more time in a memory that has since passed.

Songs make us frown, they make us laugh. They put smiles on our faces and also tears in our eyes.

But for me, every single song has a story behind it. A memory underneath it that will resurface every single time it's listened to.

Perhaps that's why I'm listening to this particular song. So that I could relive something. Something that puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.

Songs are powerful compositions that are heard by the ear. Songs are powerful compositions that are interpreted by the mind. Songs are powerful compositions that pierce the soul.