My dear grandmother, Hajah Zabaidah bt Ismail passed away at 4.15am on the 8th of August 2012.
Naturally after losing someone so dear to me,I cried....and cried....and cried. I cried till my eyes were painful. I cried until there were no more tears left. My eyes are still watery as I write this, about a week after her demise.
At home, my family comforted each other. We hugged,we cried and we laughed together in appreciation of the memory of my dear Opah, who had been a single mother for 32 years.
We prayed to Allah SWT for her soul and recited Al-Fatihah and yassin for her. Even in death, she brought us closer as a whole extended family.
At home, I finally came to terms with the death of my grandmother. However, I wasn't prepared to be left alone to deal with my grief. That happend when I returned back to work.
When I reached my office, business was as usual. I received a few condolences and that was it. My traumatic experience was just another day for the rest of the world. As ridiculous as this may sound, I asked myself why are they not sad about my dear Opah's death.I want everyone to be sad. But that's not going to happen.
I walked to my cubicle and sat down. My co-workers were doing their jobs like nothing was wrong. Some were even laughing (not at me mind you) for god knows whatever reason. After sitting down, I felt an instant Pang of loneliness. I needed support.
What I did was I texted my mom. I texted my girl. I texted my cousin. I texted my sister. That made me feel better.
The only way to deal with a death....is to live. To appreciate life and those you still have with you. My definition of a life worth living is a life full of love. It is this life that is giving me strength. The love from my family, my girl and my friends.
I miss my grandmother so much. I will always remember her love for me,my stupid jokes, her cooking and her trademark daily doa:
"Ya Allah ya tuhanku, ampuni segala dosa-dosa aku, dosa-dosa suamiku, dosa-dosa kedua ibubapaku, dosa-dosa anak-anakku,dosa-dosa cucu-cucuku. Tetapkan Iman di hati mereka........"
My grandmother recited that doa for the last time on the day she died. She was suffering from Alzheimer's but she never forgot me in her prayers.
I will never forget her in mine. I love you so much and I will miss you for as long as I live.