I am a religious person so I reserve the right to humiliate you in public.

I am a religious person so I reserve the right to humiliate you in public. There's something wrong with that sentence. I see an ounce of irony. You are religious, but you humiliate people in public so that they would return to the path of righteousness.

The government's effort to curb vice and immoral activities in Malaysia is worthy of recognition. Everyday I hear stories of religious officers busting sex-parties, raiding cheap hotels and rented flats in order to locate and prosecute Muslims who commit the sin of khalwat ie close proximity between a guy and a girl that may lead to a sexual escapade and zina ie fornication. Oh lets not forget booze parties where young so called Muslim youths get drunk..and then have sex.

Ah yes, the noble effort of a select group of individuals who are, judging by the kopiah on their head, religious and of high moral, to save the youths of today from the ways of Satan.

The reason of my ranting? A few days ago, a friend showed me a video that was allegedly taken during an anti-vice raid on a Muslim couple accused of khalwat. Number one, why was a video recording made? Number two, why was the woman not given a chance to cover herself up properly and instead told to cover herself with the thin bed-sheet she was sitting on. Number three why was the male anti-vice raiders (I'm not sure whether the raiders were government officers or just a group of kampung people conducting their own self-sanctioned raid) interviewing the girl in the room? Why wasn't a female "room raider" present?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for the religious raids because I truly believe that they are needed to curb immoral activities among the youths of today but my god why oh why do you need to be so rude to all the alleged wrongdoers?

You want to guide people to the path of righteousness. You want to set a good example for them to follow. You want to rehabilitate them. So why are you humiliating them?

In all honesty, what bugs me the most is not the fact that they weren't nice to the sinners.What bugs me the most is that they are painting a wrong image of Islam. What would non-Muslims think when they see supposedly religious high-moral individuals treating a half naked girl like an animal and interviewing her under bright lights on a bed, half naked.

Instead of upholding the purity of Islam, these so called warriors of religion are making Islam look like a religion of hate, a religion that's based on fear, not love.

The sinners made a mistake, yes. They are human. That's what humans do. They make mistakes. Your job is to GUIDE them back to the path of righteousness, not to HUMILIATE and SCARE THE LIVING SHIT out of them. Guide with love, the result will be long and the transformation would be pure and sincere. You guide with fear, the moment you die, they will go back to their old ways because guess what, their transformation was made out of fear NOT FAITH. I hate it when I hear non-Muslims talk about how Islam is a religion based on fear and not through pure faith.

A son who obeys his father because of his father's beatings will forget about the man as soon as he dies and will never pray for him nor will he visit his father's grave. A son  who obeys his father because of his father's love, will continue to cherish his father, long after his death, and will pray for him and visit his father's grave for as long as he live. I truly believe in that.

Yes, you are a religious person, a man of god but you do not have the right to humiliate people in public. Are you guaranteed heaven? Of course not. So stop acting like you are.

Why gay guys used to scare the living shit out of me.

No I am not gay, period.

I used to distance myself from gay guys. I never really had any problem with them, its just that I've never felt comfortable being near them. Here's why:

1. Gay guy says hye
My head says: Shit, he loves me.

2. Gay guy being nice to me.
My head says: Shit, he wants me.

3. Gay guy invites me for a cup of coffee.
My head says: Shit, he's going to spike my drink and take me home.

I was 15 when I had my first encounter with a gay dude. He was my schoolmate, I was the new kid in school. This particular gay dude kept on harassing me, verbally mind you. Truth be told, I wasn't just annoyed, I was scared too. It's weird. Why would I be scared of a dude who probably had a pair of hidden fake boobs? He talks walks and acts like a girl but I still get scared shitless if I bumped into him at some corridor, alone.

Three years later, I entered University and as fate would have it, one of my housemates was of course, as if it was a sick joke, gay. He cannot be anymore gayer. He wore bright colored clothing and had multi-colored underwear. I know this because he hung his laundry at our common drying area.

I was of course, uncomfortable. After a while, I asked him, whether he liked staying with us. I reckoned he did because we're a goodlooking bunch (hahahahahha!). He said he did, so I proceeded to ask him an even more daring question:

"Do you feel anything seeing us shirtless and stuff, like how a guy would feel when he sees a girl topless?"

The sick bastard laughed and said:

"Do you honestly think I'm into you? Please, you are so not my type, and you're not goodlooking enough"

Hambik kau Faisal, kena sebijik.

Ahhhh...So I thought to myself, gay guys have types too...like us straight guys...and here I am thinking that gay guys like ALL men.

So then I told myself, Faisal, you self obsessed wank, When a gay dude says hye, he probably means "Hye" and when he asks you out for a cup of coffee, he probably wants to hang out and chill with you over a cup of coffee. He doesn't want to spike your drink and take you home to have his way with you.

That was 5 years ago. Now I have no problems being friends with gay guys. They are actually an interesting lot to be with and talk to.

I pride myself for not being a racist or a sexist. I pride myself for not judging a book by its cover. So why the hell should I discriminate against a group of people just because they happen to prefer broad shoulders and furry chests over a curvy body and ruby red lips?

I know there's always the religious issue but believe me, non of us, and I mean non of us, is qualified to judge another human being. It is not our place. So before any of you pass judgement, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, am I guaranteed paradise? Am I a hundred percent sure I'm going to heaven? If the answer is (and it will be) no, than in my opinion, you should concentrate on saving your own place in heaven and let god deal with this lot.

When a baby name dies.

I was chatting with Putri about her niece, Baby PJ or Baby Putri Junior. Baby PJ remained nameless for the first two weeks of her life. After three weeks of being a citizen of the world, Baby PJ was finally named *a really modern name goes here*.

So then it got me thinking. If this was the current trend of names, than I may be the last of the Ahmad Faisals. I am, an endangered species.

It may, no wait...not may...It WILL happen sooner or later. I am going to categorize names that used to be popular.

Ultra Classic Malay Names:

1. Jantan -
Eg: Putera Jantan Bin Osman Rani

How it used to be: ultra manly name of its time. It denotes masculinity and strength.
How it is now      : weird name, whereupon if a modern baby was named this, he would be the butt of jokes.

Dania: Hye Jantan *holding back laughter*
Putera Jantan: Kenapa you macam nak tergelak?
Dania: Takde apa la you *holding back laughter*
Putera Jantan: It's my name isn't it...
Dania: hahahahahahhaa.

2. Names that pay homage to days -
Eg. Abu bin Isnin, Mat Lazim bin Mat Kamis, Radhi bin Sabtu.

How it used to be: a normal name that is absolutely not out of the ordinary.
How it is now      : If a modern baby was named one of these names...this will happen.

Thursday,7th October 2020.
Dania: Eh you hari ni hari apa?
Mat Kamis : .....ntah...
Daniel Ariff: Bro, cakapla..hari ini hari apa...
Mat Kamis: ....ntah.....
Whole Class: Hari ini hari mat KAMIS!!!! *All around laughter*
Mat Kamis: Why dad..why...*crying*

Other classic names include Rosmidah, my dear aunty and Zabedah, my dear Opah. The thing about classic female names is that they don't sound as weird as classic male names and some are still in popular use to this very day. But I have realized one thing, female names that ends with the letter 'H' are becoming less and less common. People would instead get rid of the 'H' and end it with an 'A'.

Eg:

Amirah - Amira
Munirah - Munira
Sarah - Sara (That's you put!) haha

I have to agree that getting rid of the 'H' does make a name look and sound more modern, not to mention more feminine.

Then we come across to my generation. When I was born, the trend was to name babies with Islamic names. Ahmad Faisal. It can't get anymore Islamic than that. This trend has actually been around for a while. But I realized that it's a dying trend.

Nowadays names are sounding less Islamic but the cool part is that they have beautiful Islamic meanings. Here are some examples:

1.(Girl)  Reyhana (My dear gendot baby cousin)  - meaning: Sweet smelling flower of paradise.
2.(Girl)  Zara -  meaning: Bright as dawn.
3.(Boy) Rayyan (My other dear baby cousin) - meaning: One of the gates of paradise.
4.(Boy) Danial - meaning: Intelligent.

Names are getting more and more less Islamic sounding, gone are the days where newborns are named Abdullah Al-Amin or Saidatul Aqqilah or even perhaps Ahmad Faisal.

But I am proud of my name. My mom told me I was named after a great King, Al-Maliq Faisal of Saudi Arabia. It may not be the most modern name but it sure is my favorite :)

How to screw up a first date.

I was having my usual teh tarik session with Lilliane when we came across the topic of dates. It was just a random topic and I told her my first date strategy. Please note that I have not hit on a girl in three long years, the last time was when I was 19 years old so my strategies can be a bit.....what's the word...lame.

Sal's first date strategy:
1. Magic tricks.
2. Fancy restaurant.
3. SUIT UP! okay not suit up per se but wear smart clothing, shoes etc.
4. Try to sound cool.
5. Be Barney Stinson.

Lil's comment on Sal's first date strategy:
1. NO MAGIC TRICKS
2. Bring girl in question to some place casual with a relaxed environment.
3. SUIT DOWN- You don't wanna look like you're trying too hard.
4. Don't try to sound cool. - You will instead sound like a complete retard.
6. Be Ted Mosbey instead.

So after a long and thoughtful discussion, we said our goodnights. On my way home, while listening to John Mayer's A love song for no one, I thought long and hard about what needs to be done on a first date. It's not like I have someone to go on a first date with right now but what if one day, the time finally comes for me to go out on a first date with a girl.

What should I do?

My 5 first date strategies will do nothing but screw up my first date. It's 5 ways to screw up a first date.

I thought about my first date strategies, all the five seemed so right when I thought of them in my head but when I verbally laid it out to Lil, she wasn't very impressed. In all honesty, neither was I. My First Date strategy was nothing but L.A.M.E.

When I reached home to the sound of Eminem's Beautiful, I thought to myself and sighed a sigh of contempt and told myself, "Dude, just be yourself. You want a girl to like you because of who you are, not what you plan to be"

So if you like trash metal bands, bring a girl to a trash metal gig. If you like farting in front of people, don't be a fucking idiot and fart in front of her. Respect the girl, be true to you and above all else, be sincere with all your heart.

Unlike most guys who simply cannot see past the mid-chest section of girls, a girl see's past the eyes, into the soul. You don't need to be Barney Stinson or Ted Moseby, you just need to be *insert own name here*.

If you are sincere, she'll see past all your lameness. If you just want to get laid and she accepts, than say hello to STDs.

HIV bukan untuk diwarisi, jalanilah saringan HIV di klinik atau hosptal kerajaan berdekatan, Salam 1Malaysia -.-" <-- lame.haha.

Characteristics of Malay Jocks aka "Lelaki Hek"

Jocks. We see them in American teen movies and dramas. They may be different individuals but all of them have a few things in common: All of them are athletic, all of them are muscular, all of them are as stupid as f**k and last but not least, all of them are popular.

So lets take a look at the local context of "jocks". My sister and I call these type of guys "Lelaki Hek".

They talk walk stalk and conduct themselves in very very similar ways. I am an observer. I always observe people and as a result, I have short-listed a few "lelaki hek" characteristics.

Characteristics of "Lelaki Hek"

1. Name Dropping.
They name drop as soon as they find out you go to the same college as one of their many friends.
example:
"Hey, u belajar college mana?"
"Oh I belajar dekat Beautiful Brunettes Academy of Langkawi, Be.B.A.L."
"Oh, I tau, kawan I ada pergi situ...you kenal Azura?"
"Tak"
"Oh, you kenal Lina?"
"Tak"
"Oh you kenal...."
*15 names later*
".....Oh you kenal....." It never stops.

Why they do this? To show girls they know a lot of people thus showing how popular they are.

2. Showing off how many friends they have, in a very subtle way.

Guy: Hey, you wanna hang out tonight?
Girl: Hmmm, I'm not sure? Can I reconfirm?
Guy: Okay,but be sure to let me know A.S.A.P..
Girl: Oh ya? why?
Guy: Sebab I kena book 8 table...

Normal hang out session.8 tables.Hmmm....

3. The way they dress.

i. Tight Clothes.
ii.Tight pants.
iii. Raised Collar (Collar tajam ke atas)
iv. White, narrow and pointy shoes.
v.  Huge belt buckle (Front of shirt always tucked behind huge belt buckle to really make huge belt buckle stand out)

4. The way they stylize their hair/facial hair.

i. Fake Mohawk aka Fauxhawk.
ii.The little patch of hair immediately below their lower lips (They shave all except this tiny patch of hair).
iii.Too much perfume.
iv. Silver Jewelry (The "C" shaped metal bangle is the most common)

5. THE ULTIMATE LELAKI HEK CHARACTERISTIC:

Now, this particular  characteristic is not shared by all "Lelaki Heks". Only a select few of  ridiculously high "hek" levels share this characteristic. And that particular characteristic is:

i. Wearing sunglasses indoors.

Ok there you have it, characteristics of "Lelaki Hek" :)