Melancholy

There are so many things I would like to change in my life. Out of all the things that I want to change in my life, there's this one thing I'd like to change the most. If I changed this one thing, I am sure I'd be happy for the rest of my life. There is no doubt in my mind that my life would be almost complete if I changed this one thing. I made a mistake. A mistake that will haunt me forever. A mistake that changed my perspective on life from being beautiful, to being melancholic. A view of life that was once positive, beautiful and full of energy is now beautifully melancholic, full of pain, sorrow and regret.


Might as well have a stirling silver dagger pushed painfully slow into my heart. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Sometimes I wish I had lacuna amnesia.

Ma! Angah nak makan!!

"Mama! Mama dekat mana? Lama dah angah tunggu!!!!!"

"Mama dah nak sampai dah Faisal"

My mom ended up being 5 minutes late picking me up from school. I throwed a tantrum. My mom just kept quiet.

"Ma, hari ni angah nak mama masak sambal tumis ikan bilis, ayam hotel (A type of chicken dish my mom makes). Pastu angah nak bla..bla...bla.....boleh ma?".

"Ok Ahmad, nanti mama masak".

I made my mom cook a billion different dishes for me.

"Ma, tolong bank in duit!!!! Angah kena pakai noww!!!"

"Ok2!!! Mama pergi noww!!!"

My mom stopped doing anything that she was doing at that very moment and rushed to the bank to bank in some money for me.

"*panting* Dah, mama dah letak dah.."

"Thanks maa!!!"

My mom rushed to the bank, and probably jogged from her car to the bank because she's terrified something bad might happen to me if I got the money late.

My mama. The sweetest lady in the whole wide world. She's kind to everyone (We may have to make an exception for her sons girlfriends. She likes to nag to me and Fahmi about the dangers of a creature we young ones nowadays call 'girlfriend'). However, she approves most of them. I think she likes kakak (I call Fahmi's GF that) a lot.

I'm a momma's boy. I admit it. I make my mom do all sort of things for me, just because she's my mom.

"Faisal, boleh ambik adik dekat sekolah?"

"Ye.....ma.......angah.....ambik...amir......"

"Ok thank you angah"

"K..."

That was very kind of me to help fetch my brother from school right? Wrong. I made it very clear to my mom that I didnt want to do it.

"Faisal, kemas bilik"

"Ok ma, angah nak baca paper jap"

Ten minutes later when I got up to clean my room, It was already cleaned.

"Faisal, mana baju kotor semua? Bawak naik atas mama nak basuh"

"Ok ma, jap, tengah buat something".

Ten minutes later when I went in to pick up my bags, it wasnt there anymore. My mom came down to pick them up and carried them upstairs be washed.

My mom always do things for me. Even things that are clearly my own responsibility. She never brings up what she has done for me everytime I said no to any favours she asks of me.

I tend overlook at all the wonderful things my mom does for me. I'm writing this down now to remind me, in black and white, to never ever say no to any favours my mom ask of me.

The love between a mother and her children is what I call unconditional love. Your mom will always love you, no matter what you do. I know mine would :)

I have the best, the coolest and the kindest mom in the whole wide world. (And you guys would of course say no Faisal, MY mom is the best, the coolest and the kindest mom in the whole wide world hahaha).

Why I Call My Grandpa Jadi

Jadi

No, It's not because I think he's a Jedi.

He's my Mom's dad. Jadi is derived from an arabic word Jaad-Di which literally means my grandfather. My Jadi is 80 this year. Old-ish even for old people.

Anyhu, he was born in Perak to a noble Malay family. His father, my great-grandfather, was the Orang Besar Jajahan (OBJ), one of the Pembesar Berempat of Perak. In simpler terms, the OBJ is one of the four most senior nobles in Perak. The title and position still exists to this present day.

My Jadi is not your average grandpa. He would give long lectures about the slightest most trivial things imaginable. An example would be about washing hands. He would make me stand beside the sink and repeat every single thing he did. If I'm not mistaken, there are about 5 or 6 steps altogether.

Here are a list of things my Jadi prohibits me from doing:

1. Never use the word aku, kau, awak. Guna nama. Lebih sopan dan beradap begitu.

2. Never simpan long hair. Rambut pendek lebih elok. I quote "Faisal, you look so much better like this. Very handsome" - Beaming with pride and pointing happily at my newly cut hair. The only reason I ever cut my hair is because my Jadi dont like it long.

3. Never ever sit in a position where the feet is "high" - Tak menghormati orang.

4. Always bow down when walking in front of older people. It's a sign of respect.

5. The list goes on and on.

More often than not, whenever I walk past/near him, he'd stop me on my tracks and ask me to come nearer to him. He would then proceed with a long lecture (5 Mins at least) about anything and everything imaginable for example like how I have to keep my distance from the car in front while driving or how I needed to check that every single window and door was locked before I go to bed. His most favourite lecture would be a long lecture about how I should be careful to never "mix around with the wrong people".

Most people would be annoyed at having such a fussy grandfather. But not me. I love my Jadi very much. It's very simple why. Because he loves me just as much too. My Jadi has never ever told me that he loves me but I know he does. His actions speaks louder than his words.

When I was a baby, he would hold me for hours on end. He refused to put me down or give me back to my mother. He would just hold me in his arms, cradle me and put me to sleep while standing up. I'm not talking about an hour or two. I'm talking about a few hours.

When I was a small boy, I used to get angry at him. He used to take my toys away from me.

When I was a kid, I couldn't understand why he was being so mean to me. Now I know why. He was afraid that I might injure myself. He took away every toy that in his opinion was dangerous to my well-being. Once, he was so paranoid about me injuring myself, he even took away a plastic sword my dad bought for me (I found the sword ten years later, hidden behind some old boxes on top of a cupboard).

I thought his small lectures would go away as I grew older. Boy Oh Boy was I wrong. He still continues to lecture me on anything and everything imaginable. In the past I would still hear his lectures, but not whole heartedly as most of the time, he'd stop me dead on my tracks while I was on my way to do something else for example, going out etc.

However nowadays, everytime my Jadi stops me dead on my tracks to lecture me about god knows what, I would stop and listen to him attentively. He's not giving me lectures just to have fun at boring me to death. He's giving me lectures so that his grandson would be a successful man some day. He's giving me lectures so that nothing could ever tear me down or beat me to the ground. He's giving me all those lectures just because he simply loves me.

My grandfather is very old now. He spends most of his time praying and sleeping. He was a very handsome man when he was younger (now I know where my dashing good looks come from =p). He's the type of man that never says he loves you, but deep down inside you know he loves you. More than you will ever know.